I spent the day yesterday with a couple of girlfriends running a fun 5K obstacle course. While waiting at the starting line, I spotted a a guy in the crowd wearing a t-shirt that said, ‘You Can’t Fake Fit’. At first glance I didn’t think much of it but as my brain processed those words, the nasty voice inside my head began playing the shameful tape it’s been playing for decades. As I stood there 30 lbs overweight I instantly slouched and felt small.
When did we accept that our value is determined by our size?
I’ve spent more years than I’d like to admit telling myself, ‘I’ll be happy when I’m a size so and so’, ‘If only I was this weight or that weight, then I would.. (insert activity here)’. Then there is the, ‘Why can’t I stick to an eating plan/exercise plan?’, ‘I have no will-power, I must be a failure.’ I’ve rerun the same shameful recording over and over in my head for decades. I’ve believed that I was less-than because I was not thin or ‘fit’. I have held myself back based on the fact that I believed I was not capable because of how I looked.
This isn’t the first race such as this that I have participated in. But, this is the race that I finally realized that fit is how you feel. This is the race that I finished just as strong as I started. As I ran through the mud, waded through water holes, and scaled obstacles I realized that for the first time in my life I was grateful for what my body was capable of. Truly grateful. If only for a day, I felt freedom from judgement, if only my own. To me, that is enough.