Phear

I won’t tell you when exactly it was that I purchased this domain and began working towards getting a few entries up for your enjoyment. Or, maybe I will. After all, this blog is about how I get in my own way and what better than a prime example.

It was sometime in early January when the idea first manifested itself. I was in the shower, where I come up with most of my great ideas, only to forget them before I’ve fully dried off. This one, however, stuck with me. I was quick to jump on choosing a name, purchasing the URL, and designing a logo.. and then, I started doubting myself. The easiest thing to do when faced with discomfort is to avoid it. And so, here we are. It’s June, and I’ve done another amazing job of starting and not following through.

Doubt is a beast all its own.

All my life I have been running from what I thought I was my fear of failure. But in reality, I’ve got failure down to a science. I thrive on it. I create it. I almost crave it. For so long I lived in the excuses I’d make for not finishing ‘this’ or not following through on ‘that’. It happened so naturally I didn’t even realize I was doing it. It’s astonishing when you finally see how you’ve auto-piloted through some of your most pivotal failures.

I’ve spent the last number of years experimenting in personal development. This spring I attended a multi-day conference recommended by a friend of mine. I had no idea what to expect. The speaker was amazing, the vibe was contagious and the take-aways were priceless. The most important thing I learned was, it’s not failure I’ve been afraid of all this time, it’s success. What do I do when I’ve reached my potential? How do I maintain it? What if I get there and then fall? This is what has stood in my way. This is something big.

I’d love to report that this breakthrough has eliminated my self-doubt and self-sabotage, but it’s a process I’m still working on. It’s taken me a few decades to perfect and it will likely take me some time to break up with it and I’m ok with that.

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2 Comments

  1. Love!! I think you are nothing short of amazing and am so proud of you for starting this up <3 I relate to you on all your posts in on way or another and thank you for being so brave.

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